Panadol
This Jamaican couple has been married for 15 years and the sex has deteriorated primarily because the wife lost interest.
Every nite her husband would be kissing all over her and touching and he made the move for sex she would tell him she is having a headache. Poor man with a stiff cock would have to go to his bed in pain. So after a month of no pussy he thought that he would have to find a way to get some from her as he did not want to cheat on her. So one nite after going to bed and feeling the urge, he got up went and brought his wife a glass of water and two panadols and gently woke her. When she opened her eyes he said here honey the two panadols for your headache. The 'innocent' wife declared that she wasn't having a headache. At this time the husband was grinning from ear to ear and stated that "I am gonna kill with f*@* tonite."
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Pulling out after all
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10
speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give
you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$80,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There's no way We can afford a 10 speed bike.
The next day the father saw Little Patrick
heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past
your room last night and I heard you tell
mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell
you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here
by myself with an $80,000 mortgage, and no
transportation."
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10
speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give
you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$80,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There's no way We can afford a 10 speed bike.
The next day the father saw Little Patrick
heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past
your room last night and I heard you tell
mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell
you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here
by myself with an $80,000 mortgage, and no
transportation."
Friday, October 25, 2002
Man with class
Three men, a Jamaican, a Canadian and an American were walking in the park late one night when a prostitute approaches them.
She tells them her rates are $10 for 15 mins on the grass, $20 for 15 mins on a park bench and $30 for 15 mins in a hotel.
The Canadian gives her $10 and she give him 15 mins on the grass.
The following night the men go walking and see the same prostitute .The American gives her $20 for 15 minutes on a park bench.
The following night the men go walking again and see the same prostitute. The Jamaican gives her $30. She says excitedly. You are really a man with class. The Jamaican says to her "Class my ass, three times pon the grass"
Three men, a Jamaican, a Canadian and an American were walking in the park late one night when a prostitute approaches them.
She tells them her rates are $10 for 15 mins on the grass, $20 for 15 mins on a park bench and $30 for 15 mins in a hotel.
The Canadian gives her $10 and she give him 15 mins on the grass.
The following night the men go walking and see the same prostitute .The American gives her $20 for 15 minutes on a park bench.
The following night the men go walking again and see the same prostitute. The Jamaican gives her $30. She says excitedly. You are really a man with class. The Jamaican says to her "Class my ass, three times pon the grass"
Wendy 2
There's this guy named Jack, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy Jack loves Wendy a lot.
To prove how much he loves her, he gets 'Wendy' tattooed on his penis. When it's erect, it says her name, and when deflated, it reads 'Wy'.
So, when she sees her name on his masculine member, she is overwhelmed.
He pops the question and she accepts. They decide to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon.
Once there, they try out all the local culture, including a nude beach.
They are having a great time when Jack decides to get up from sunbathing and get something to drink at the beach bar.
He walks over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eyes wander and end up embarrassing himself.
He orders a drink from the Jamaican guy at the bar, who is also naked.
He is surprised to note that the bartender also has 'Wy' tattooed on his penis!
Jack says to the guy, 'Wow, what a coincidence. So, you have a girlfriend named "Wendy" and her name is tattooed on your penis, too?'
The bartender looks slowly down at Jack, back to his and starts laughing.
Flashing a wide grin, he says, 'No, mon. Mine says, "Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day
There's this guy named Jack, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy Jack loves Wendy a lot.
To prove how much he loves her, he gets 'Wendy' tattooed on his penis. When it's erect, it says her name, and when deflated, it reads 'Wy'.
So, when she sees her name on his masculine member, she is overwhelmed.
He pops the question and she accepts. They decide to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon.
Once there, they try out all the local culture, including a nude beach.
They are having a great time when Jack decides to get up from sunbathing and get something to drink at the beach bar.
He walks over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eyes wander and end up embarrassing himself.
He orders a drink from the Jamaican guy at the bar, who is also naked.
He is surprised to note that the bartender also has 'Wy' tattooed on his penis!
Jack says to the guy, 'Wow, what a coincidence. So, you have a girlfriend named "Wendy" and her name is tattooed on your penis, too?'
The bartender looks slowly down at Jack, back to his and starts laughing.
Flashing a wide grin, he says, 'No, mon. Mine says, "Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day
Expectant Fathers
** Three expectant fathers, an American, a Jamaican, and a Canadian, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up."
The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The American guy goes right to the Jamaican baby, picks him up and starts rocking him.
"What are you doing?" the Jamaican guy asks, "That is obviously my son."
"I know," said the American guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the Canadian kid."
** Three expectant fathers, an American, a Jamaican, and a Canadian, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up."
The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The American guy goes right to the Jamaican baby, picks him up and starts rocking him.
"What are you doing?" the Jamaican guy asks, "That is obviously my son."
"I know," said the American guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the Canadian kid."
Proud Jamaican Father
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
In Despair
A major Hollywood star decided to do a charity dinner and invited hundreds of people to take part. To make it interesting, the host decided to make it a costume party with the theme of emotions. So that night, the first couple came to the front door, dressed in all blue. "You were supposed to dress up as an emotion" states the doorman. "We are dressed in all blue because we picked the sad emotion." Thinking it over, the doorman decided that was good enough. The next couple comes up to the door dressed in all red clothing "Sorry, you needed to dress up in a costume tonight!", to which the couple reply, "We are, our red clothes symbolize we are angry. Besides, you let the other couple before us in." Again, the doorman agrees to let them in.
Then along comes a black guy, completely naked with the exception of a pear with the core cut out and his penis stuck into it. The doorman, wide eyed looks at him, "I'm sorry, but I don't think you have been invited to this dinner." To which the black man responds in a thick Jamaican accent, "Actually I was invited!","Well you were supposed to be dressed up in a costume that conveys a certain emotion." The black guy says, "I am in a costume, I'm deep in despair!" (Deep in this pear)
A major Hollywood star decided to do a charity dinner and invited hundreds of people to take part. To make it interesting, the host decided to make it a costume party with the theme of emotions. So that night, the first couple came to the front door, dressed in all blue. "You were supposed to dress up as an emotion" states the doorman. "We are dressed in all blue because we picked the sad emotion." Thinking it over, the doorman decided that was good enough. The next couple comes up to the door dressed in all red clothing "Sorry, you needed to dress up in a costume tonight!", to which the couple reply, "We are, our red clothes symbolize we are angry. Besides, you let the other couple before us in." Again, the doorman agrees to let them in.
Then along comes a black guy, completely naked with the exception of a pear with the core cut out and his penis stuck into it. The doorman, wide eyed looks at him, "I'm sorry, but I don't think you have been invited to this dinner." To which the black man responds in a thick Jamaican accent, "Actually I was invited!","Well you were supposed to be dressed up in a costume that conveys a certain emotion." The black guy says, "I am in a costume, I'm deep in despair!" (Deep in this pear)
The short and long of it
Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her
for her birthday (as she has everything). He tells of his dilemma
to his friend, and he suggests that he tattoo her name on his sex
organ.
Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy.
When the job is finished he looks down and sees, "W Y" and says,
"Hey. I said her name was Wendy."
The man says, "Don't worry, shake it." He does and voila, "Wendy."
He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl. She is so happy,
she invites him on a Caribbean cruise.
While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom.
While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him, glances down
sees "W Y" and says, "W Y, huh?"
Billy says "Oh! It's my girlfriends name, look (he shakes it... Wendy).
The Jamaican says: "Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice."
Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says "W Y."
Billy says, "Hey, wait a minute, yours says 'Wendy' too?"
"Ah no, man. Mine says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.'
Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her
for her birthday (as she has everything). He tells of his dilemma
to his friend, and he suggests that he tattoo her name on his sex
organ.
Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy.
When the job is finished he looks down and sees, "W Y" and says,
"Hey. I said her name was Wendy."
The man says, "Don't worry, shake it." He does and voila, "Wendy."
He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl. She is so happy,
she invites him on a Caribbean cruise.
While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom.
While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him, glances down
sees "W Y" and says, "W Y, huh?"
Billy says "Oh! It's my girlfriends name, look (he shakes it... Wendy).
The Jamaican says: "Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice."
Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says "W Y."
Billy says, "Hey, wait a minute, yours says 'Wendy' too?"
"Ah no, man. Mine says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.'
Thursday, October 24, 2002
THE JAMAICAN GINNAL
A Jamaican guy walks into a whorehouse in New York and asks,
"You have a girl work here from Jamaica name Arlene?"
"Yes," answers the madam. "Go on up to Room 6."
So the fellow went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door.
When the woman answered, he asked "Yu name Arlene, don't it?"
"Yeah man, a me dat," replied the woman.
Well, a have two Hundred dollas.." he proudly announced.
With that, the hooker grabbed the money, opened the door wide
and hauled him by the shirt into the room.
After a little rest from the vigorous sex, the fellow got up to
leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked. "Yeah Man," Arlene
said, "Me will deh yah."The next night, the fellow comes back gives up the $200 and laid
it on again. When they were done, he's sitting on the side of the
bed, cooling down. "Will you be here tomorrow night Honey?"
The hooker replied, "Mi deh yah every night fi you".
Night comes and the fellow was back in action, throwing down the
heavy lumber. When they were done, they are both sitting on the
edge of the bed. "Tell me sumthin'," Arlene said, "what part of Jamaica
yu from?" "Portmore," replied the fellow with a satisfied grin.
"True ? Me have one sister live inna Portmore yuh know!", the
hooker exclaimed.
"I know dat," the fellow replied, "She gimme six hundred
dollas fi gi yu!"
A Jamaican guy walks into a whorehouse in New York and asks,
"You have a girl work here from Jamaica name Arlene?"
"Yes," answers the madam. "Go on up to Room 6."
So the fellow went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door.
When the woman answered, he asked "Yu name Arlene, don't it?"
"Yeah man, a me dat," replied the woman.
Well, a have two Hundred dollas.." he proudly announced.
With that, the hooker grabbed the money, opened the door wide
and hauled him by the shirt into the room.
After a little rest from the vigorous sex, the fellow got up to
leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked. "Yeah Man," Arlene
said, "Me will deh yah."The next night, the fellow comes back gives up the $200 and laid
it on again. When they were done, he's sitting on the side of the
bed, cooling down. "Will you be here tomorrow night Honey?"
The hooker replied, "Mi deh yah every night fi you".
Night comes and the fellow was back in action, throwing down the
heavy lumber. When they were done, they are both sitting on the
edge of the bed. "Tell me sumthin'," Arlene said, "what part of Jamaica
yu from?" "Portmore," replied the fellow with a satisfied grin.
"True ? Me have one sister live inna Portmore yuh know!", the
hooker exclaimed.
"I know dat," the fellow replied, "She gimme six hundred
dollas fi gi yu!"
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Him see you before
This Jamaican couple got pulled over by a copy in Florida.
Officer : Hello Sir, I caught you speeding
Husband : Yes, sorry Officer
Wife: What him say?
Husband: Him say him catch me a speed
Wife: Ok
Officer: Are you Jamaican?
Husband: Yes Officer
Wife: What him say?
Husband: Him say if we if we a Jamaican.
Wife: Ok
Officer: I was there last year
Husband: You had a good time I bet.
Wife : Wha him sey?
Husband: Him say him went to Jamaican last year
Wife: Ok
Officer: Yeah, except for the time this big pussy ran across the road, and we nearly crashed.
Husband: Sorry fe hear dat man:
Wife: Wha him say?
Husband: Him say him see you before.
Wife: Ok
This Jamaican couple got pulled over by a copy in Florida.
Officer : Hello Sir, I caught you speeding
Husband : Yes, sorry Officer
Wife: What him say?
Husband: Him say him catch me a speed
Wife: Ok
Officer: Are you Jamaican?
Husband: Yes Officer
Wife: What him say?
Husband: Him say if we if we a Jamaican.
Wife: Ok
Officer: I was there last year
Husband: You had a good time I bet.
Wife : Wha him sey?
Husband: Him say him went to Jamaican last year
Wife: Ok
Officer: Yeah, except for the time this big pussy ran across the road, and we nearly crashed.
Husband: Sorry fe hear dat man:
Wife: Wha him say?
Husband: Him say him see you before.
Wife: Ok
ERECTION or ELECTION???
Seaga: How could you do that to me?
Obeah Woman: What me do now?
Seaga: You have caused me public embarassment and humiliated me
Obeah Woman: Wid wat?
Seaga: You tell me that Patterson was going call di election pan di 26th a September.
Obeah Woman:Nah sah, mi neva tell u so!
Seaga: How you mean you never tell me so?
Obeah Woman: Nah sah, mi neva tell u so!
Seaga: f course you tell me soh, and you mek me go public meeting goh announce it.
Obeah Woman: neva tell you soh.
Seaga: Me seh u tell me soh, with me sitting down in this very chair.
Obeah Woman: mi neva tell you soh!!
Seaga: so what you did tell me seh den?
Obeah Woman:Mi tell u seh, u a goh hav an ERECTION pan di 26th a September!!!
Seaga: How could you do that to me?
Obeah Woman: What me do now?
Seaga: You have caused me public embarassment and humiliated me
Obeah Woman: Wid wat?
Seaga: You tell me that Patterson was going call di election pan di 26th a September.
Obeah Woman:Nah sah, mi neva tell u so!
Seaga: How you mean you never tell me so?
Obeah Woman: Nah sah, mi neva tell u so!
Seaga: f course you tell me soh, and you mek me go public meeting goh announce it.
Obeah Woman: neva tell you soh.
Seaga: Me seh u tell me soh, with me sitting down in this very chair.
Obeah Woman: mi neva tell you soh!!
Seaga: so what you did tell me seh den?
Obeah Woman:Mi tell u seh, u a goh hav an ERECTION pan di 26th a September!!!
Monday, October 21, 2002
U cum aready?
Three little boys - Jim, Troy and Ricky - were discussing politics one day
Jim said when I grow big I am going to vote for Seaga. And Seaga was at my house last nite, so Troy and Ricky asked him how he knew and he said Seaga told him about PJ's scandals.
Troy said PJ didn't tell me about scandals and he was at my house last nite. So the other guys asked how he knew it was PJ and he replied well he told us to log on before he left.
Ricky declared he is a Christian and Jesus Christ was at his house last nite. Troy and Jim was amazed and asked how he knew. Riscky said "Well when I was passing daddy and mommy's room last nite I hear mommy say....Lawd Jesus Christ you cum aready?"
Three little boys - Jim, Troy and Ricky - were discussing politics one day
Jim said when I grow big I am going to vote for Seaga. And Seaga was at my house last nite, so Troy and Ricky asked him how he knew and he said Seaga told him about PJ's scandals.
Troy said PJ didn't tell me about scandals and he was at my house last nite. So the other guys asked how he knew it was PJ and he replied well he told us to log on before he left.
Ricky declared he is a Christian and Jesus Christ was at his house last nite. Troy and Jim was amazed and asked how he knew. Riscky said "Well when I was passing daddy and mommy's room last nite I hear mommy say....Lawd Jesus Christ you cum aready?"