HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in
Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of
the town.


"What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was
inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.


"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We
visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of
the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled
and she almost fell off.


My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."


We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time
causing her to drop her water.

Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."


We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My
wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I
shouted at her, "What 's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor
animal like that? Are you crazy??"


She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once."


And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."

Subject: confession

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here.
"The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice.
"Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."