The duck
Three Jamaican women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Little Math Test
A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
numbers,represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds
to draw three trees.
What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use
the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using
numbers,represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds
to draw three trees.
What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the
Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use
the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to
hire this Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you
go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"
The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of
each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now
you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a
turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when I start?"
Interact
A Jamaican, a Bajan, and a Trini all went to a strip club.
A sweet looking lady came up to them and began to dance up.
First she went up to the Jamaican boy. He took a $10 and stuffed in
in her bra.
She took the $10 out, then took off her bra and went up to the Bajan
man. So the Bajan man took $10 and stuffed it in her panties.
She took the $10 out, and then took off her panties and went up to
the Trini man. While dancing on him, she suddenly felt something
SWIPE in between her ass. She turnes her face to the Trini
man and he says "I eh have money, yuh take Interact?"
A Jamaican, a Bajan, and a Trini all went to a strip club.
A sweet looking lady came up to them and began to dance up.
First she went up to the Jamaican boy. He took a $10 and stuffed in
in her bra.
She took the $10 out, then took off her bra and went up to the Bajan
man. So the Bajan man took $10 and stuffed it in her panties.
She took the $10 out, and then took off her panties and went up to
the Trini man. While dancing on him, she suddenly felt something
SWIPE in between her ass. She turnes her face to the Trini
man and he says "I eh have money, yuh take Interact?"