A Matter Of Sight
1997 World Women's Conference.
The First speaker from England spoke: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself."
"After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America spoke: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his Laundry and that he would have to do it himself.
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Jamaica spoke: "Hafter las' year conference wen mi go ome an tell mi usband seh mi nah do nuh more cookin fi im nor cleanin nor shoppin, an dat im woulda haffi do dem imself.
Hafter di fus day mi nuh si nothin. Hafter di second day, mi still nuh si nothin neither. But hafter di third day, as the swelling go dung, me coulda si a likkle bit outta mi left eye."
A Fly In The Beer
One day a Jamaican, a Trinidadian, and a Bajan walked into a rum shop together. They proceeded to each buy a Banks Beer.
Just as they where about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their beers.
The Jamaican pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Trini fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Bajan picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling. "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU IGRANT BRUTE!"
Author unknown
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Friday, September 10, 2004
A Young Jamaican Yute
A young Jamaican yute, Errol, asks his step-dad for some help.
He says, "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His step-father looks up thoughtfully, and says, "Mek mi show yuh. Go ask yuh muddah if she would sleep with Beres "Hammond fi one million dollar. Next, ask your sister if she would sleep with Beres Hammond fi one million dollar. Then go ask yuh brudah if he would sleep with Beres Hammond fi one million dollar. Then come back and tell me what yu fine out."
The yute is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his stepfather means. He asks his mother, "Mammy if someone gave you a m illion dollars would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell yuh poopah, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His sister looks up and says, "Cho! Him kinda old still but wid de amount a clothes mi coulda buy definitely me wudda give him a grine!"
Then he goes to his brother's room and asks him, "Hey bro, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His brother thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fyah bun fi dem ting deh but fi a million bucks, I suppose I would. Just one time duh".
Errol goes back to his stepfather and says, "Poopah mi tink mi figured it out! Potentially, wi sittin on tree million dollars, but in reality, wi ah live wid two skettel an ah battyman.
A young Jamaican yute, Errol, asks his step-dad for some help.
He says, "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His step-father looks up thoughtfully, and says, "Mek mi show yuh. Go ask yuh muddah if she would sleep with Beres "Hammond fi one million dollar. Next, ask your sister if she would sleep with Beres Hammond fi one million dollar. Then go ask yuh brudah if he would sleep with Beres Hammond fi one million dollar. Then come back and tell me what yu fine out."
The yute is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his stepfather means. He asks his mother, "Mammy if someone gave you a m illion dollars would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell yuh poopah, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His sister looks up and says, "Cho! Him kinda old still but wid de amount a clothes mi coulda buy definitely me wudda give him a grine!"
Then he goes to his brother's room and asks him, "Hey bro, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Beres Hammond?" His brother thinks about it for a minute and says, "Fyah bun fi dem ting deh but fi a million bucks, I suppose I would. Just one time duh".
Errol goes back to his stepfather and says, "Poopah mi tink mi figured it out! Potentially, wi sittin on tree million dollars, but in reality, wi ah live wid two skettel an ah battyman.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Subject: Looking for the right Jamaican
A Jamaican woman was walking along the banks of
Dunn's River Falls when she stumbled upon a old
empty bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and
lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. She talked with him
awhile then the Genie told her he would grant her
ONE wish. She said she heard from a cousin that she
would get three wishes if she ever found a Genie.
The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a
story-tale myth. I'm a ONE-WISH Genie. So... what'll
it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want
peace in the Middle East. See this map, I want these
countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all
the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony. " The Genie
looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lawd Lady, A wah
wrang wid yu? PLEASE BE REASONABLE! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred
years. I'm good, but NOT THAT GOOD!!! I don't think it
can be done. " PLEASE make another wish and please
a beg yu... Be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've
never been able to find the right Jamaican man...
You know, one that DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, is
considerate and fun, likes to dance and helps with the
cooking & house--cleaning, is great in bed and gets
along FAITHFUL and loves to worship.That's what I
wish for... a good Jamaican man.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said,
"Let me see that freakin' map again."
A Jamaican woman was walking along the banks of
Dunn's River Falls when she stumbled upon a old
empty bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and
lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. She talked with him
awhile then the Genie told her he would grant her
ONE wish. She said she heard from a cousin that she
would get three wishes if she ever found a Genie.
The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a
story-tale myth. I'm a ONE-WISH Genie. So... what'll
it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want
peace in the Middle East. See this map, I want these
countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all
the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa.
It will bring about world peace and harmony. " The Genie
looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lawd Lady, A wah
wrang wid yu? PLEASE BE REASONABLE! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred
years. I'm good, but NOT THAT GOOD!!! I don't think it
can be done. " PLEASE make another wish and please
a beg yu... Be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've
never been able to find the right Jamaican man...
You know, one that DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, is
considerate and fun, likes to dance and helps with the
cooking & house--cleaning, is great in bed and gets
along FAITHFUL and loves to worship.That's what I
wish for... a good Jamaican man.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said,
"Let me see that freakin' map again."