Translations

CANADIAN: Excuse me little girl, can I fit in there?
JAMAICAN: Hey, pickney, small up youself!
TRINI: smallie, gimmeh ah pass dey
BAJAN: Guh rung an' gimma a li'l scotch!

CANADIAN: That woman is overweight.
JAMAICAN: Lawd, look how she fat and spread out like mash bullfrog.
TRINI: Oh jeesan, dah woman realllll fat
BAJAN: You, she big as shite ya.

CANADIAN: You are such an attractive woman.
JAMAICAN: Gal you look like fresh vegetable.
TRINI: Darlin', yuh lookin' real good
BAJAN: Psssstt ! My friend !

CANADIAN: I really would like for us to be intimate.
JAMAICAN: Gal, mi wan be wid you.
TRINI: Chek nah, ah wan tuh breed yuh.
BAJAN: Yuh gunna gimme piece or wha?

CANADIAN: There are a lot of men out there, that I can date besides you.
JAMAICAN: Tree no grow in me face ya know.
TRINI: Real men chek fuh me
BAJAN: When one door shut anudder one does open.

CANADIAN: He is such a womanizer.
JAMAICAN: Him walk bout like dawg, every light post him si, him haffi stap.
TRINI: Hees ah real sweetman
BAJAN: Heez de man.

CANADIAN: He is such a kind, sensitive man.
JAMAICAN: Him a saawfas man.
TRINI: Heez a sorfman
BAJAN: Heez a buller !

CANADIAN: You have a crumb on your face, dear.
JAMAICAN: You look like when fowl come from mango walk.
TRINI: Yuh have ting on yuh face
BAJAN: Uh uuuh!!! Wuz dah on you face???

CANADIAN: Oh, I see you are entering puberty.
JAMAICAN: How you face bumpy-bumpy like grater so?
TRINI: Yuh face real juk up
BAJAN: Ya face look like a ripe sour-sop.

CANADIAN: Honestly, I don't know the answer.
JAMAICAN: Ah wah you a bodda me guthole fa?
TRINI: I eh know !
BAJAN: WHA???

CANADIAN: Hors d'heurves
JAMAICAN: Ah wah dis yah likkle sinting you a gi me?
TRINI: Wey de food ?
BAJAN: Horse Derves.


CANADIAN: Casserole
JAMAICAN: Putto-putto
TRINI: Pelau
BAJAN: Cou-Cou

CANADIAN: Aeroplane
JAMAICAN: Silver bird
TRINI: Tri Star
BAJAN: Bee-wee

CANADIAN: Bank teller
JAMAICAN: Bank clark
TRINI: Big wok
BAJAN: Tellar

CANADIAN: Taxi
JAMAICAN: Robot
TRINI: Maxi
BAJAN: ZR

CANADIAN: Speed bumps
JAMAICAN: Sleeping Policeman
TRINI: Road humps
BAJAN: Cheese don bread, dem tryin' tuh mash up muh shocks

CANADIAN: He looks upset
JAMAICAN: Him have screwface
TRINI: Dat man real vex
BAJAN: He real screwpouch ya.

CANADIAN: She sleeps around
JAMAICAN: She flighty
TRINI: Real men dig dat gurl
BAJAN: Boy you, she wutless as shite !

'Have sex with my wife'

The Old Harbour police responded to an unusual call on Tuesday, when they were summoned by a man who had trouble convincing neighbours that a man they saw entering his house was not an intruder but was paid to make love to his wife.

Reports are that the 45-year-old man could no longer satisfy his wife as a lover and enlisted a younger man to have sex with her. However, neighbours saw the man entering and leaving the premises regularly and confronted both men for an explanation.

At approximately 8:00 a.m., the distressed husband called lawmen to pacify a crowd that had gathered outside his house.

"After we went to the dwelling, we saw the husband who had called us and the wife and another man in his early thirties," a sub-officer at the Old Harbour Police Station told The STAR.

"It was pointed out to us by the husband that he had enlisted the services of the younger male for his wife, as he is unable to deliver."

When The STAR visited the area, several residents expressed concern about the strange actions of the husband. They claimed that they were demanding an explanation as to why someone would want to have such an arrangement.

Both the husband and his 'co-worker' were approached by the newsteam but each declined to comment.

The lawmen acted professionally by explaining to the irate residents that it is a contractual agreement among consenting adults and that there was no breach of the law.

Meanwhile, the residents said that they have never heard of a man getting another male to service his wife but rather, they have known of cases where men prevented this from happening.

"Bwoy this ya service bull ya really lucky, as the three a dem a live happily like something out of a story book," remarked a resident.

The STAR made checks with several clergymen who said that the husband's actions are immoral and that he is in need of a spiritual baptism.

You Know Ur A True West Indian When....


I don't walk on the sidewalk ... I walk on pavement.
I know that bake is not baked!!
I know what it is like to be "sent for de belt"!!
I believe that children need discipline.
I walk wit my own pepper sauce!!
"A beer is a Carib"....so is : Stag, Banks, Red Stripe, Guiness, Hairoun,
Royal Extra but these are also refreshments: ... Ting, Chubby, Mauby, Irish
Moss, Sea Moss.
Sorrel is a Christmas drink, not eggnog.
I soak my cake in rum!!
My favorite topics of debate are: 1. Rice and peas vs Peas and rice.
2. Pelau vs cookup rice.
3. Curry chicken vs chicken curry.

When I reach home I change into my home/house clothes!!
Licks is not a restaurant.
Everyone is my auntie, tantie, uncle or cousin!! (courtesy family)!!
Moth balls are everywhere in my house.
I have a freezer in my basement or back room.
Shadow is not a ghost...But a jumbie or duppy might be!!
No matter how old I am, I call my parents mummy and daddy.
I know the meaning of "dahl", "channa", "anchar", "kurma" and
"buss-up-shot".
I love soca (goes without saying) and dub.
I can call my fellow country man by an ethnic name fondly and it would be
Okay. E.G.: darkie, reds, dougs, chinee-man, yellow, Creole, red-man,
White-boy.
"You betta study yuh book" is what I hear when I got 98 out of 100 on a
Test..
My parents ask me "what de ass .. Happen to the other 2 marks??"
I have someone in my family that is a mechanic,a nurse, and a contractor.
I don't go to the grocery store I go to the market to make groceries.
I know that bake goes with: bigon, bulljol, smoke herring, salt fish.
I've washed and re-used plastic and Styrofoam cups..to go with the
Plastic take-out spoons and forks cutlery set in the draw.
It is not vegetables it is veg-ey-tables.
Tripe is a delicacy, fish is brain food.
Castor and cod liver oil is good for you.
I have a wall unit in my dining room filled with the "good dishes"!!
I know the difference between wine, whine and wine!!!
Someone in my family has a cd or mini boxing gloves with my flag on it
Hanging from the rear-view mirror in your car.
I don't photocopy.... I xerox!!

1-2-3

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform
sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but
nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to a Jamaican obeah man.
man who he goes to visit when he goes on holiday to Negril.

The obeah  man says, 'I can cure this.' With that said, he throws a
white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, 'This is powerful medicine but you can only use it once a
year.
All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as
you wish!'The man then asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want
to continue?'
The Obeah man replies: 'All you or your partner has to say is 1234,
and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year.'
Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise his wife.
He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and
cologne.

After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, '123' and suddenly he becomes more aroused than
anytime in his life, just as the Obeah man had promised.
His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over
and asks, 'What did you say 123 for?'
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition!